I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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