would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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