Already got asked if we're dating
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Randomize
