I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
