nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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