8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
