Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
