if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize