I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
