I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
My dick has a subreddit
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
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