i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
