I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
