possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
We left the knife in your bed.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
