im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
