and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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