So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
