I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
