I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
