Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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