Your face is a jimmy john
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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