I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
