if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
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