I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
