Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
