I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
