just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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