a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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