A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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