party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
