So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
