Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I think my nap took me to another dimension
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
