Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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