is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
