and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
