I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
you traded sex for a burrito?
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
