He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I understand Curling. That high.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
