...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I deserve to be covered in dicks
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Randomize
