so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
