oh god the rape fog is back!
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Randomize
