He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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