she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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