Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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