I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize