we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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