so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
There r osticjed everywhere
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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