White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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