He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
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