So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I wish there were birth control emojis
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
