so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
