Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Randomize
