i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
