I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize