Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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