Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
