Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Randomize
