does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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