i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Nobody cheats on THIS.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
