I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Randomize
