What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
