I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Randomize
