I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
