Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
