I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
