Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
