I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
