What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
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