apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
