The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
