New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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