Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
Don't EVER smell your tampon
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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