Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
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