please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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