What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I faked an abortion last night.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
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