stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Randomize
